I drove by a construction site. Four huge concrete tubes were stacked on top of each other. I was tempted to pull over the car and get out and climb inside one. It does not matter which one. I would just need a paint brush. I would need to write out my thoughts with really big broad strokes…red,yellow, black, blue, orange.

I WANT TO DO SOMETHING HUGE.

I WANT TO CHANGE LIVES.

I WANT MY LIFE CHANGED.

But instead I kept driving. I drove and stepped into a small coffee shop on the outskirts of my town. I sat down and dreamt of the concrete tubes. I wouldn’t be in them forever just long enough to get it all down. Will you watch and wait while I get it all down?

All of this time spent in the city I have grown up in has got me thinking. Last night I had a dream that I bought a piece of furniture. It was over priced and gigantic. It was an armoire of sorts. At first sight I loved it so naturally I brought it with me everywhere. It was hell transporting it. I must have rented a truck or for that matter a semi. And I searched the whole town looking for the perfect house to fit and match my new piece of life…so to speak. I would haul and shove and push it into these beautiful ancient houses only to quickly decide that it did not suit the armoire correctly. After much labor and much sweating, I am sure, I could not find a house. And there I was left with this oversized piece of furniture and nowhere to live. And suddenly I really looked at the armoire and I inspected it. I looked at the antique carvings and the big brass handles and I opened the doors and saw an empty space that smelled of moth balls and oldness. And I didn’t like it. I must have bought so suddenly because I was swayed upon first sight. And I actually hated it.

I think I would have traded it for an hour in the concrete tube to figure out what I really want. To inspect and touch and feel and thoroughly decide. Because I do not want to go through life having thought that I know what I want and need and everything else will fit and then miss God’s promises. I guess it is not about taking my life and making it fit into the perfect house that will accent the brass handles but more about being able to adjust when I need to…when I am called to. Because having to haul a semi-truck everywhere I go is too much and I think that for now I will paint huge thoughts and not tug along all the added weight that I don’t really like anyways.