some times Jessica i want you to enter my mind. i think about things a lot. i wish that i could explain how my brain works.
---------entering--------------------------------
---->for instance. the whole bradley situation.
-i think about him-
- and then jentil -
-and jentil-
- and then him-
`today i want to run to him and grab him and tell him that it will all be ok and that i can take care of him. yesterday i was content with never talking to him again. hearts are so fickle. or maybe it is not hearts but feelings and emotions...which might be the same. all i know is it always is christmas where i think about my relationships a drastic amount more.
~something that keeps coming up in my mind is bradley and hope. bradley has no hope in people or situations and i do in almost every person and situation. this is one aspect of me i think that bradley really liked and admired. and all i can think these last couple of days is how i want to always be bradleys hope. dating or not dating. romance or friendship. i want him to always be able to call me and know beyond a shadow of a doubt that i will be hopeful in all that he shares. i think i do this already. i think he knows this already. but as the new year approaches i want to do this in my life for more people. be their hope....well not their hope but direct them to the ultimate hope. that no matter how awful the situation they can come to me and i can remind them that there is more. that there is a way out and it has already been conquered.
---------------i hope this allowed you to enter my mind a little.---------------------------------
-one last thing. i want to call bradley and say, " don't worry i will be your hope bradley." i often imagine myself doing this and bradley smiling and saying, "i know, you always are."
=because i love him so much that no matter if i am a permanent part of his life or simply a passing phase i want him happy. i want him to laugh. more and hard. and to not take life so seriously all of the time. and to dance. i want hope in Christ for him.
